I have to admit, I'm really tired. Not physically
tired as such, just mentally. As a result, I haven't felt hugely inspired of
late. I was hoping I could maintain the same pace of updates as earlier in the
year, but the Covid-19 crisis has disrupted my day-to-day routine to such an
extent that it's difficult to maintain a grasp on things. It all seems
pointless now.
For the first time in years I feel like I'm back to
where I was a decade ago, when depression robbed me of the ability to do
creative things. I always wanted this blog to be as popular and prolific as the
other blogs I follow, but for the most part I couldn't write or structure my
thoughts. It was like trying to maneuver the words through a thick fog and the
words were dissolving as I tried to slot them into place. Just attempting to
write something would give me aheadache with the clutter and stress of it all. That's
where I am right now. Back down the ladder.
I've been trying to remain busy on MUBI, writing small
capsule reviews or "micro criticism", so if you're an active user over
there, maybe stop by for a look. I'm also on Letterboxd.
I also think I'm becoming disillusioned with blogger,
but this may be a discussion to have at a later date when I'm better able to structure
my thoughts, and also when I'm not feeling so burnt out. Sometimes I just feel as if
my time could perhaps be better spent writing a book or something that could be
read and enjoyed by a wide audience, and that could potentially be something that
might lead to a career that's sustainable? Again, I don't know.
